36-year-old accrues $13000 debt, protests when wife refuses to let him use her credit card: 'I cannot risk a bad credit score'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 16, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Money is a topic that we can always count on to cause strain in all kinds of close relationships. Nonetheless, it is something that has to be communicated about in many close relationships, especially with a long-term partner or spouse.  When you ask people about the qualities that they seek out in a romantic partner, 'fiscally responsible' may not be at the top of many lists. However, it is something that can make a huge impact on how a relationship pans out.

Debt can happen to anybody for all kinds of reasons, but there is no denying it can be difficult to work through as a couple. This is doubly true when any money owed comes down to a partner's bad choices. While many want to support their loved one, there are often limits to how much they can do that in a financial, emotional, and practical sense. At a certain point, you're on your own.

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  • 01

    AITA for not letting my husband with $13k debt have access to my credit card?

    Okay so my husband (36M) and me (33M) keep getting into arguments over money, especially getting him onto my credit card as an authorised user. I've got 0 credit score because I immigrated here to the U.S. and only just managed to open a line of credit. I wasn't even able to finance a car without huge interest on it (only one bank accepted me) so I'm still without a car. He has not been good with his credit history, racking up $13k of debt with Amex before we had met which he has yet to pay off.
    via benjamani
  • 02
    50 50 50. 50
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman found this out the hard way when her husband came to her looking for financial support. Prior to their relationship, he had racked up $13k of Amex debt, which he had yet to pay off. 

    As a result, he asked his wife if he would be able to use her credit card. She refused on the grounds of having recently immigrated to the US and struggling to open a line of credit for herself.

    Her husband was not happy with this and claimed that married couples should share assets and build credit together. She wanted a second opinion on her choice,

  • 03
    I suggested to him he should see if he can improve it with a credit builder loan but I am not comfortable with him being on my credit card or having my CC details in his phone. He responds with saying married couples should be sharing assets and building credit together? Is it a given that spouses should have shared credit? Because I'm trying to establish my own credit history I cannot risk a bad credit score if he racks up debt without the means of paying it off. At the same time I feel guilty
    via benjamani
  • 04
    UPDATE: Thanks everyone! I really needed this vote of confidence and encouragement to stand my ground on this. I feel less guilty for putting my foot down with him. Going to see if I can put a freeze on my credit report this week and see if we can get him onto a personal finance course.
    via benjamani
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10506163968
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Outsiders wholeheartedly supported her decision.

    rashea11 NTA, but you have a bigger problem. Legally, you are almost certainly on the hook for his debts if he got them while you are married. Please check your credit score. You get free chances to check. That will show you all your debts and credit lines. You should insist on seeing his as well. Many companies now offer EAP (employee assistance programs) that often include a consultation with a financial advisor. If this matters to you (both), then make a plan.
    via rashea11
  • 07
    benjamani OP He got them before we were married, I did think that I would inherit his debts but if you're saying he got them before we married is there a chance I could be exempt?
    via benjamani
  • 08
    Fortune Where ThoutBe Before marriage debts remain with that person. Only debts after marriage can be added to the spouse whether they made the debt or not. Good idea to check with your state about that to be sure.
    via FortuneWhereThoutBe
  • 09
    AverageDecency NTA. NO, DO NOT DO IT. Credit ab e is a real thing, I lived through it. In the US, credit card companies do not have to abide by court decisions about whose debt it is either. If your name is on it, you will be on the hook for it. Just finished paying off $30,000 in debt that my ex racked up in credit cards he opened in my name, without my knowledge, while we were married. Took me 8 years!
    via AverageDecency
  • 10
    FormSuccessful1122 NTA Do NOT allow him to be an authorized user on your card. Do NOT. I can not emphasize this enough. DO NOT.
    via FormSuccessful1122
  • 11
    Significant Flan8057 He has way more than just $13k on an Amex card if he can't get approved for a credit card on his own. That is why he is being so insistent on being added to your credit card account, because he can't get a loan or credit card in his own name. If he really wanted to rebuild his credit score then he would do exactly what you suggested and get a credit builder secured card and charge a little/pay it off in full every single month consistently to get that credit rating back up a
    via Significant_Flan8057
  • 12
    Appropriate_Map2685 NTA - Do NOT add him to your account under any circumstances. I would also recommend making sure he is not listed on any of your personal bank accounts. I have been married for 36 years and my spouse has never been listed on any of my accounts. I am a saver, he is a spender - and I am not giving him the keys to the piggy bank. It's common sense, don't let him try to guilt you.
    via Appropriate_Map2685
  • 13
    ShannaraRose NTA. Credit cards should be used only if you can pay off the entire balance each month, or in extreme emergencies for the least amount possible if you can't. They're a necessary evil to build credit history, but otherwise the interest rates are crippling, as your husband should know all too well. The best thing you can do to build credit is buy something small that you already have to pay for on your card, and pay off that balance on time every month. You can support him in other wa
    via ShannaraRose
  • 14
    DustOne7437 NTA, and hold your ground. He obviously can't be trusted with any form of credit card.
    via DustOne7437
  • 15
    Winter_frost 25 NTA. Tell him that once he pays off the debt he accrued before you met, you'll think about it. Also, the authorized user's card can be shut off at any time, so if you ever do give him access and he abuses it, shut his access off.
    via Winter_frost_25
  • 16
    Either_Coconut Not only are you NTA, but I would suggest freezing your credit scores with all three credit bureaus, so no one can open a card in your name without your knowledge or consent. In fact, check to make sure there aren't already cards in your name of which you're not aware.
    via Either_Coconut
  • 17
    author124 NTA and this isn't sharing credit in the sense of shared loans etc because if he's an authorized user, he has no responsibility to pay the card back. Don't do it.
    via author124
  • 18
    shelwood46 NTA. The very fact that he is being so insistent and manipulative about this is proof he will not be responsible with YOUR credit card account. Do not add him under any circumstances.
    via shelwood46
  • 19
    writesgud DO NOT DO THIS. It doesn't make sense. Instead of getting access to more credit, your husband needs to pay off the debt he has, first. Unless he'd rather spend your credit than pay off his own (highly likely). He cares more about spending money for himself than damaging your credit. Is this the kind of situation you want to be in for the rest of your life? He needs to change and improve his financial situation, otherwise he's not capable of being in a long-term marriage with you. I'm s
    via writesgud
  • 20
    _Kells_ NTA, you're protecting yourself from his bad habits. If he's got himself in this much debt, he will do it to you as well. Do not give in. Hold your ground, and if he pressures you, that's a massive red flag.
    via _Kells___
  • 21
    CapAffectionate1154 I don't care if your husband had 0 debt. You get to decide who has access to your credit card.
    via CapAffectionate1154
  • 22
    moomintrolley Exactly. Why does he want to be on it? It's so he can spend your money OP, and as an authorised signatory he doesn't have any legal obligation to pay it back either. He can't be trusted not to spend your money against your will. Think about if this is really a relationship you want.
    via moomintrolley
  • 23
    cjleblanc2002 My wife and I have separate credit cards and are not authorized users on each others. That way, if we can't pay, only the person who signed up is responsible (and can get sued). We live in Massachusetts, so the laws of your state may be different. NTA.
    via cjleblanc2002
  • 24
    erinburrell Sharing assets and sharing debt are different types of burdens. I would make sure he is focussed on getting that debt down before you consider any conversation about money beyond covering bills. Have you seen his statements OP? Don't give him access and lock your credit down so he can't take out debt in your name. Make sure you have an independent sole owner account at a bank he doesn't use as soon as your credit is good enough. There is a good chance he is lying about his debt value
    via erinburrell
  • 25
    Ambitious_Hand_2861 NTA and legally you will not be responsible for his debts unless you have signed some sort of legally binding document making you co-owner of said debt. If your husband has added you as an authorized user to his credit card you are still not responsible for that debt. If you and your husband have a joint loan, not both signed as owner but a loan, youre responsible for that. My wife and i have a joint mortgage so if either of us di the other must still pay the mortgage but our
    via Ambitious_Hand_2861
  • 26
    Ravenmn NTA, You should not share your credit card because you have a chance to build up a.great credit history and he would threaten this. I had a similar imbalance: I had an OK credit history but my spouse had none even though they were in their 30s. A car dealer told us that they assume anyone U.S. citizen that old must have gotten their name off of a tombstone! We kept ours separate for many years: enough time for me to pay off my balances and get my credit score repaired. I used the card sp
    via Ravenmn

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aita marriage credit card wife relationships husband debt reddit thread Reddit money
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